Category: Joke Board
: Tis the month after Christmas, and all through the house
: Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
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: The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
: At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
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: When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
: When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
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: I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
: The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
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: The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
: And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
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: As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
: And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
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: I said to myself, as I only can
: "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
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: So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
: Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
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: Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
: "Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
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: I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
: I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
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: I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
: I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
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: I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
: But isn't that what January is for?
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: Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
: Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!